After more than eighteen months of Zoom meetings and virtual get-togethers, real-life conferences and work events are starting to come back. It’s safe to say that many of us feel a little out of practice when it comes to socialising in a business context, regardless of whether English is our first language.
Perhaps you feel a little apprehensive about the thought of making small talk again with your colleagues or clients, particularly if you are a non-native English speaker? Don’t worry! I have put together a short guide to help you socialise with confidence in English so you can really get the best out of your upcoming conference, seminar, or work event.
1. Listen
“There is a difference between listening and waiting for your turn to speak… Listening is active. At its most basic level, it’s about focus. Paying attention”
Simon Sinek, author of “Start with Why”
Active listening is the process of giving our full attention to another person as they speak. When we practise active listening, we redirect the focus away from our own inner monologue and onto the message that is being communicated. Active listening is the foundation of successful communication and is one of the most useful skills we can develop and practice.
Here are three ways in which you can train your active listening skills:
· Concentrate fully on what is being said and give the speaker your undivided attention. Dianne Schilling of Forbes Magazine writes: “When it's your turn to listen, don’t spend the time planning what to say next. You can't rehearse and listen at the same time. Think only about what the other person is saying.”
· Wait for your conversation partner to finish each point before asking questions. Don’t interrupt with a response – it frustrates the speaker and limits your full understanding of the message
· Active listening starts with sincere and genuine curiosity about another person or situation. Keep an open mind during your interactions with others and try and listen without judgement.
2. Ask open-ended questions
One of the best and most simple tools you can use when you are socialising is to ask questions.
Open-ended questions (questions beginning with who / how / when / what / where / why) are particularly effective as they encourage the respondent to give a fuller answer, often using their own knowledge, experience and feelings. Another benefit of open-ended questions is that they do not lead the person being asked.
Here is an example of a closed ended question (a question which leads to a simple yes / no answer):
A: Were you afraid?
B: Yes, I was very afraid
We can see that not only is this question a little leading (i.e. it almost forces the respondent to give a specific response), it also shuts down the conversation, making it difficult to build any kind of ongoing interaction.
In her TED Talk “Ten Ways to have a Better Conversation”, journalist Celeste Headlee gives the following advice: “Let them describe it. They’re the ones that know. Try asking them things like “What was that like?”, “How did that feel?”. Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it and you’ll get a much more interesting response”.
“Tell me about…” is another really nice expression we can use to encourage our conversation partner to open up and share their insights and experiences.
3. Show Interest
“Being interested is more important in both cultivating and maintaining a relationship than being interesting; that’s what gets the dialogue going”
Todd Kashdan, psychologist and author of “Curious”
Try and focus outwards. When we are truly interested in someone else’s thoughts, feelings and experiences, it shows. Our curiosity naturally kicks in and the follow-up questions come easily.
Acknowledge the other person who is speaking. This can be something as simple as a nod of the head or a well-timed “uh huh” or “right” to encourage them to keep speaking. Make sure that your body language is open and interested.
It is also a good idea to periodically reflect on what the speaker has said by paraphrasing. Using phrases like “What I’m hearing is…” and “It sounds like you are saying…” shows that you are engaged and in tune with the speaker’s message. Don’t be afraid to ask questions to clarify certain points if you need to (“What do you mean when you say…?”)
4. Don’t be afraid to share something about yourself
“It’s not true that people ONLY want to talk about themselves. It’s back-and-forth conversations that make people bond”
Viktor Sander, Interpersonal Communication expert.
Try revealing something about yourself that might encourage your conversation partner to open up and share in response. This will make your conversation feel less like an interrogation and more of a natural exchange of ideas, opinions and experiences.
Through listening carefully to their replies, you will often find that a follow-up question comes naturally to you. Equally they might ask you about something you have just said, enabling the conversation to develop easily and naturally.
5. Prepare
Prepare by doing your homework thoroughly in advance of the event you will be attending. Know who is presenting and what they will be talking about. Once you are clear on the content of the event, think about some of the talking points you might raise and what questions you could ask that would add value to your conversations. Build your familiarity with these topics by reading articles or listening to podcasts that are related to the subject– this will also help you naturally expand your vocabulary in these areas.
It is also a good idea to have a few anecdotes (brief stories) in mind to use as a conversation starter or when you sense the interaction is losing momentum. Of course, there is a balance here – you do not want to learn your anecdote word-for-word or else it will run the risk of sounding unnatural or scripted. But having a few pre-prepared topics or go-to stories up your sleeve can really help you feel confident and prepared when it comes to socialising in English.
6. Think long-term
It can be tempting to think of each social interaction as a one-time event. However, one of the best ways to both develop your English conversation skills and to build your overall ease when it comes to socialising in English, is to cultivate authentic connections with other professionals, even if you won’t necessarily be directly working together in the future.
Make sure you have your business cards to hand and prepare a few phrases in advance that you can use naturally at the end of a conversation. This could be something along the lines of:
· “This has been a really interesting conversation. If it’s OK with you, I’d like to keep in touch”
· “It was really nice meeting you. If you ever need help regarding…., please feel free to contact me”
Remember to follow-up afterwards! Alison Grade, author of “The Freelance Bible” gives the following advice: “A useful trick is, as soon as the conversation finishes, to write on each person’s business card what you discussed so you have the information to hand when you send them a follow-up email”. Following-up should always be done the next day. Start off the email by introducing yourself and reminding them where and when you met. This is your opportunity to suggest a follow-up meeting, should you wish.
Most importantly, try and take the pressure of yourself and instead just aim to engage fully with each person you interact with. Set yourself small goals (for example, to speak with three new people at the next conference or work event you attend) and celebrate achieving these goals. With time and with practice, you will feel more confident and more at ease socialising in English. Good luck!
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